I do wonder sometimes what was on her mind when she knew she would be leaving soon.
I couldn't sleep most nights since I came back. There are many questions running through my mind each night. Strangely, I don't need any answer to them. I just keep asking in silence....
How did she feel about me?
How does it feel to leave behind everything and everyone that makes you who you are?
How does it feel like when the air is thinning and breathing becomes shallower?
How does it feel like when the body can't move anymore?
How does it feel when the muscles are wearing off and shrinking?
How does it feel when you can only stare at the ceiling?
How does it feel when you can't taste anymore?
How does it feel when you can't hear anymore?
How does it feel when I complain but nobody hears?
How does it feel when I have given up and resign?
How does it feel when I finally close my eyes forever?
I tried to remember words she used to say, conversations we had before, places we have been together...unfortunately, there weren't too many such memories. Perhaps I
had been away for too long.
This ring is a way for me to remember her. She gave it to me some years ago.....
Jazz, the drag king instructor can't make it to Japan... so maybe I will go to Japan by myself. I will book a ticket tomorrow, and hopefully, I can sleep better again when I tour. Or perhaps, I will have more questions.....