Thursday, September 17, 2009

Wishing upon the stars

It has been tough during the past 3 days since i decided to stop painting my nails. I think it is addictive but I am determined to stop all these nonsense. And I am tired of being sick. And perhaps that is the reason why I miss Texas so much. In Texas, I can take a drive to some small towns and relax. Maybe I was younger then too, it seemed that life is more lived and freed.

Anyway, I have not been feeling so well the past 2 weeks. As I mentioned before, my tongue is super sensitive and I am lethargic most of the time. I miss the younger Alice 15 years ago. I really did have much more energy then. I can't help but to ponder about life. Why in the first place, are the human beings on earth? Is it fair when we are all born to live and struggle and die? This might appear to be a stupid, self indulgent question... but come on, can anyone on earth give a good answer to it? Talking about human rights..... no one on earth, reading this, have had a say on whether they want to become a human or not. If I had a choice, I probably won't.

Since I am already in this world, I know it will be terrible if i continue to dwell on this. My freedom is already taken away. I don't have control over when I want in or out of this world, or even to be present in the first place. So I have decided that I will make myself as happy and fulfilled as possible. I want to enjoy life to the fullest while I am here.

Today, I want to start running. Though I have never been good in sports, but I figure that by running, I can improve my health and motivation in life. I watched the movie, "Forrest Gump"...Tom Hanks' run was inspirational. I don't know how far I can run, but I will update in this blog soon.

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